Over the past few weeks, I have felt...
• Abandoned
• Betrayed
• Lost
• Bewildered
• Confused
• Deep pain
• Loss
• Frustration
• Bitter
• Angry
• Alone
• Suffocated
• Back-stabbed
I could go on, but you get the idea. Being in ministry is hard. You can only understand this if you are in ministry yourself (or have been in it at some point in your life). I know there's a way out of the fog. I'm just immobilized by the sting of apathy and I can't get up. I hate that we're going through this...again...and at a place we really loved.
Here are some questions I'm asking myself:
• Where will we go next that could possibly compare to where we were? It seems as though we went from the worst possible organization of a church to the best. So now what?
• Will this happen everywhere we go?
• Is there a leader out there--anywhere--who will "get" my husband's laid-back personality traits and view that as something valuable?
• Will we have to endure the seemingly "normal" 6-month trend again of students not accepting the change in their leadership?
• Is ANYONE thinking of the students in all of this?
• Why is it so hard for me to accept that God is changing our course when I know that He has the best plan for us?
• Will I ever have stability in my life? I hate moving. I don't want to move...again.
• What's the point in pouring yourself into relationships with people if they're only going to get ripped apart by circumstances such as we have faced?
• Why won't the pain relent?
• Why are we having to go through this again so soon? It seemed as though we were just getting to a place of healing, and it happened again.
• How do I answer people's questions? We did nothing wrong, yet the way our situation was handled it would seem otherwise?
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3 comments:
the greatest gift...
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I as sorry you had to find it because you searching for anything that would make sense of your hurt. I am also sorry that God has you in a "in the meantime" season of your life right now. Ministry is HARD. The church is not always faithful to us or treats us justly....but praise GOD that HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL. He hears you. He knows the injustice you have experienced. We serve the ONE who knows the end from the beginning. I love the story in Joshua 3 where the Isrealites are about to cross the Jordan but the priest have to get in BEFORE the water parts. God tells them that when they put their feet in the water will start to receed. The cool thing to me about the story is that 30 miles up the road in Adam God was ALREADY damming up the water...even though they could not see it. I am also going through a tough season right now and am so encouraged that 30 miles upstream God is up to something even when I can't see it or feel it. Hang in there sweet sister. Our God is FAITHFUL. I can't wait to see what He ALREADY is doing 30 miles upstream in your life that you just can't see now.
I know this is from a month ago and you may be over this by now but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for blogging about this! I have been experiencing this same exact thing over the last month asking myself these same exact questions. Its nice to know that I'm not the only one.
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