A Day Spent With Family and Friends...

...is always a good day. Some people don't have family...or friends. 

I'm blessed and I know it. I don't take either for granted. It's Thanksgiving in September!  :)

My New Playlist, My Brother, and Why It's Mostly the David Crowder Band

Just in case you were wondering, yes, I've added a new playlist to my blog, and yes...the majority of the songs (at the moment) are by the David Crowder Band. There's a reason for this...

Just a short year and a half ago when my husband was first beginning his newest/latest/former position as a youth pastor, my brother was gracious enough to allow us to move in with him while we were waiting to sell our old house in another city. We surely would have been living in the storage closet at the church if it weren't for his generosity toward us, because we surely could not afford to pay our mortgage with all of our current bills in addition to apartment rent with a second set of bills. Did I mention that we are youth pastors? At the time, my little boy was only 9 months old (in the beginning stages of learning to walk), and it was challenging for us not in the sense that we were living with my brother (that was great and we had a lot of fun the three months we were there), but more in the sense that we were going through another transitional period in our lives. 

My husband & I (along with my little boy and his crib) were all together with our necessary stuff in a small guest bedroom (with the rest of our stuff in two storage buildings at two different places across town...don't ask), and sleeping on a peculiar air mattress (I have a funny story about that and will probably tell it at some later point). Our new students resented us (at that time) because they were attached to their old youth pastor (totally understandable), we were trying to sell our house in another city several hours away (ick), we were in a new environment, at a new church, trying to gain new friends (although there were a few old ones we reacquainted ourselves with in our new city)...overall, we were in a very unsettled period in our lives. 

But the memory from our transitional period that stands out the most to me is so precious: At night, to help our little boy go to sleep, we would open our laptop and play a worship set list that my husband put together on iTunes . If our baby was upset, it always worked to calm him. Now, I need complete silence in order to fall asleep...my husband, on the other hand (being a drummer), likes to fall asleep listening to music (one of the first challenges we had to overcome in our now nine year marriage). 

Anyway, after doing some reading and spending some good old-fashioned time on My Space (my husband calls me the "My Space Minister"), I would crawl into bed and pray and just listen to that music....sometimes all night. I can't even explain the presence of God that was in that tiny room for those three months. But every night, I would fall asleep listening to that same music and would very often wake up in the middle of the night--several times a night--overwhelmed and in tears, so thankful for His presence and for His leading and blessings in our newfound adventure. 

As you may already know if you follow this blog, we once again find ourselves in that period of transition, growing, and faith-building. There were 15 songs on the iTunes set list my husband made, and out of those only 6 were David Crowder songs (so yes, I added those & a few others to this playlist--why not?). To my dismay, I really wanted my favorite song on the list but couldn't find the MP3 link anywhere (so please do share it with me if you find it so I can add: "O God Where Are You Now (In Pickerel Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)" by the David Crowder Band).

In any case, if you're needing some peace in your storm today, I invite you to keep the playlist open as you go about your day and let it bring you rest. 

P.S.--To my brother:  Thank you again for your generosity. We could never pay you back monetarily for allowing us to stay with you during that time. But it was during those wee hours of the night that I would pray for God to answer some very specific prayers on your behalf for blessing us with your kindness...and most recently, I believe he did.  :)  I love you!

**********************

Are you in a place of transition, growing and faith-building in your life right now? Let me know...I'd like to hear about it.

Crazy Pumpkin Love, the Fall, and Missing That Camera

Pumpkins. 

Probably my most favorite of all earthly objects. Maybe it's the color of them. Maybe it has something to do with autumn (ok, maybe it has a lot to do with my most favorite time of the year). Or maybe I just love them because they accent my auburn hair (well, formerly blazing red-turned-auburn-turned-brownish/grayish auburn). I don't know. Do I need a reason? I just love 'em. 

Back in the day, I used to be the Assistant Director of Public Relations for the university I graduated from, as well as the Assistant Editor of the same university's magazine and other publications. I used to handle the organization of all of the university's photo shoots (very fun stuff), and would also get to take my own photos to publish as well. Lucky me  :)  

One day, as I was on my way to dropping off some camera-ready art for an ad I was working on, I happened to drive by this pumpkin patch scene displayed on the lawn of an old church. The light cast by the sun on the pumpkins and morning fog was so beautiful that I immediately slammed on my breaks and turned around to capture on film what I was seeing with my eyes (we won't talk about the time I chased the white '76 VW bug across town because it was the exact car I had been looking for for weeks to use for a photo shoot I was working on---you should have seen the look on the lady's face when I ran up to her and asked for permission to use her car..BUT, I digress...). 

Two minutes after turning the car around and landing on the 

pumpkin scene, the light changed and the look would have been lost forever (I lost some of the fogginess just trying to get out of the car)! But I was lucky enough to get a few good shots which always give me the warm fuzzys every time I see them...man I miss that camera.

Enjoy! And don't make fun of my pumpkin love. 

Out of Control

So this is supposed to be an anonymous blog, but a small handful of you know who I really am...and you also know the circumstances that my husband and I have faced over the past month in our youth ministry (thank you so much for your prayers). To recap briefly, basically there were some key leadership changes 10 months ago in our church organization [yada yada yada] and almost a month ago he was forced to turn in his resignation. Not a good place to be when you have a mortgage and other bills to pay, a car that is on its last leg, and a 2 year-old looking to you for sustenance. I have to say, it's a frustrating place to be...we loved our church and were so devastated by our circumstances and how everything went down. It feels like a really bad dream that we're trying to wake up from, and sometimes it feels as though I'm suffocating trying to make sense of it all. There are so many contradictions; there is no sense to be made of it in the natural.

 

Even with all of the crazy details of our seemingly out of control situation, we know that God led us to this place, knowing how everything would end. Am I still frustrated knowing that? Yes...I have to be completely honest. I am. I did not want to leave our church organization which we loved being a part of and I don't understand why things had to end the way that they did. But I do know that our being totally out of control means GOD is COMPLETELY IN CONTROL. And for now, I just have to rest in knowing that God has ALWAYS been faithful to us in the past...I have no doubt that he will continue to be faithful to us in our future.

The Power of Words

Before my little boy was even born, I began quoting a few key Scriptures over his precious and hope-filled life, inserting his name in whenever possible. From the day he was born, I continued this practice, saying those same Scriptures out loud to him over and over again, incorporating it into our daily lives. One of my favorites is Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you (insert name) declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you (insert name) and not to harm you (insert name), plans to give you (insert name) a hope and a future." 

When he was about a year and a half (or almost), I was in the kitchen fixing my lunch and he was already happily eating his when--out of the blue--he stopped, looked at me with a big smile on his face and said, "I can do ALL things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me!" Stunned, I stood there for a second, trying to figure out if what I was hearing was what he was really saying. Tears welled up in my eyes as I ran over to him, gave him a huge hug and said, "YES baby!! YES!!! You CAN do ALL things through Jesus Christ who gives you strength!!!!" 

Now I have had quite a few "proud mamma" moments, but I don't think ANY compared to the joy I experienced at that one. Wow! The seeds that I planted with my words before he was born were finally starting to bear fruit just a short year and a half later. He may not fully understand all that he said--yet--but I know that God's Word never returns to Him without fulfilling its purpose.  I know that my son will carry those words with him throughout his life and it will continue to bear fruit and fulfill its purpose time and time again. Isaiah 55:10-11 says: "Rain and snow fall from the sky and don't return without watering the ground. They cause the plants to sprout and grow, making seeds for the farmer and bread for the people. v. 11 The same thing is true of the words I [God] speak. They will not return to me empty. They make the things happen that I want to happen, and they succeed in doing what I send them to do" (NCV).

God's words are powerful--no doubt about that. But do you realize there is a tremendous amount of power in our words, too--especially when we speak God's word over our own lives and children?  The Bible tells us in Proverbs that "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21). What we say actually translates itself in the spiritual realm, and it actually has the power to direct the paths of our lives! Yikes! I believe this is why Paul writes in Philippians for us to "think about the things that are good and worthy of praise...things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected" (4:8). Why? Jesus taught in Matthew 15:18-19 that what people speak with their mouths comes from the way they think, and evil actions begin in the mind. 

Stay with me here...I'm going somewhere. Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So, in order for that to happen, you may have to change the recordings that play over and over again in your mind. I'll use my husband as an example. Growing up, there were several people--teachers, leaders--in his life that spoke some pretty nasty things over him. I mean, things you should never say to anybody, much less a child. One teacher in particular told him that he was a disappointment to God and that he would never amount to anything. Now, I know that this teacher is still teaching at the same school that my husband attended (for a short time and for good reason), and I can only pray that others were not spoken over in the same way that my husband was. I sometimes wonder how she would react if I marched into her classroom and gave her "a piece of my mind" and asked her where she got off saying such harsh things to a child!! But seriously, those words that were spoken over my husband stayed with him for years and years. Without him even realizing it, it affected every single area of his life, including aspects of our relationship. 

One day as he was preparing a message to speak to our students, he was telling me what he was going to share that night and he said something that struck me in a strange way. And then it hit me! I said, "Oh my goodness...you are STILL letting those words spoken over you in the past affect your life even today!!" He sat there for a moment and said, "You know, you're absolutely right...and I never realized it until just now." 

In order for him to stop believing what was negatively spoken over him in the past, he had to start speaking words of truth and life over himself...he had to change the recordings in his mind:  "I am the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus"..."I am the head and not the tail"..."I am above and not beneath"..."I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me." Over time, you can probably guess what happened. My husband started to believe what he was speaking, which changed his outlook on himself (transformed his mind) and the way he related to things and people. He wasn't just speaking positive words over his life...he was speaking God's Word over his life. He will tell you that occasionally he still fights that mental battle. But now He knows how to combat it. That's powerful stuff. 

So at two years + two months, my son can recite about 7 (pretty long) Scriptures by heart. Anyone for a good old-fashioned "Bible Quiz" competition??   ;)

Chuck E. Cheese

Yesterday was the first day (since my little boy turned two a month and a half ago) that he didn't get in trouble all day long. He was an angel! Well, just about as much as a two year old can be. To reward him, we told him that we were going to take him to "Chuck E. Cheese's house" as he likes to call it. Now, my husband and I are all about making our little one's day, but "Chuck E. Cheese's house" can be nightmarish at times. The germs, the crowds...the pizza that gives Italians a bad name. Not a fun place to be on a Friday or Saturday. So going on a Tuesday during the day seemed to be the perfect plan...until today.

The little guy woke up with a fever and a snotty nose.  :(   Poor thing. At one point today, he climbed up on my lap, asked me to put his blanket over him, and fell asleep right there on my chest just like he did when he was a baby. Moments like that are rare these days. I cherished every moment of it. 

As for Chuck E. Cheese? I guess he'll have to wait. 

So if you wanna make a good cupcake...

I promised a few posts back that I would finally do a post on baking, so here it is! I'll be giving you some tips on making some really yummy vanilla bean cupcakes!

So if you want to make a good cupcake...you have to start with the right ingredients!!! You may be able to get away with last season's hot fashions, but not in the baking world. Start with fresh, quality ingredients. That's rule number one. Rule number two...well I'm not sure if I've gotten that far yet. Let's keep going...

Gather up your ingredients before you start. Also be sure to have some disposable pastry bags and cupcake liners on hand. Here's a link for a tasty recipe from FoodandWine.com to print off and follow. It's a version of pastry chef Bill Yosses's signature dessert at Citarella Restaurant in New York City (oh, how I love New York!!). NOTE: This batter needs to chill for at least 8 hours before baking, so plan accordingly (other recipes are available for vanilla bean cake which don't require chilling, but this one is divine because of the white chocolate!). Also keep in mind, this recipe is for a vanilla bean cake (not cupcakes), so you will have to amend the time and temperature accordingly. Cupcakes bake much faster than a whole cake, so I would say to set your oven lower at 350 degrees, and bake between 15-18 minutes or so depending on your oven. You definitely don't want to over-bake these little gems, so when a toothpick inserted into the center of a few come out clean, that's your cue. 

Here's the BIG SECRET:  This recipe calls for vanilla beans. Don't cheat and use vanilla extract! Madagascar Bourbon Vanilla Beans are the most expensive, but also the tastiest, so if you want a really good cupcake, splurge! Live a little! Vanilla beans can run you anywhere from $7-$12 for just one or two beans, but the end result is so good you will never go back to the imitation stuff. Ok...maybe if you're short on nickels one week you might, but you'd probably be digging in between the cushions or cracking open your little piggy bank to scrounge up some money to buy these once you've tasted them. You wouldn't just give up without a fight. Here's a TIP:  If you don't want to take the time to cut open and scrape the vanilla beans down the pod, use vanilla bean paste instead (see a picture of the jar above). It's quicker, slightly less expensive because you get more uses from the jar, and still tastes great (although you can not deny the aroma of a freshly cut vanilla bean). Pure bliss!

Now it's time to start mixing up your ingredients! Don't over beat as cupcakes can flatten after baking if there are too many air bubbles in the batter. Beat on low to medium low for a couple of minutes. Immediately spoon batter into each paper cup and put in oven. Bake for 15-18 minutes (each oven will vary) or until a toothpick comes out clean. Do not over-bake or your cupcakes will dry out quickly. 

Pull them out of the oven when done and allow to cool completely before you frost them...you will wind up with liquid icing dripping off of your cupcakes if you try to decorate them while they're hot...and you don't want that unless that's just the look you're going for. But we're going for tasty and pretty, so wait until they are completely cool before you start the fun stuff.

Here's another TIP...make your OWN frosting! Skip the store-bought stuff and whip up your own in minutes. Click here for a yummy vanilla bean frosting recipe created by Susan Spungen for "O at Home" magazine. It should be on the stiff side so if you find this not to be the case, add about 4 tablespoons of powdered sugar at a time until it seems right (still soft, but able to hold a swirl without losing it's form).

Now to my favorite part!! Grab one of those pastry bags you should have handy (remember, I told you to get one before you started?).   :)   Keep it simple...snip about an inch off of the tip (you don't need an icing tip or a coupler or anything!). Fold the top of the pastry bag down into a cuff and fill it about 2/3 of the way full of frosting. Undo the cuff and twist the bag around at the top...you're almost ready to go. Squeeze a little of the frosting out and back into the bowl to release the air bubbles. 

Hold the pastry bag firmly in your hand as you wrap and hold the twist between your thumb and index finger to keep it from coming out of the top. Ready? Starting from the outside and working in and upward, apply a steady pressure as you "swirl" the frosting upwards to form a peak. Voila! You did it!! Ok, so it may not look that great the first time you do it, but practice makes perfect, so do practice on a piece of parchment or wax paper first if you need to. Anything you do can be easily scraped up and put back into your bowl. Your cupcake should look something like this (and if it doesn't, at least it will taste good!):

Happy baking! 

I love being a mom...

I have a two-year-old little boy and he is my joy in this crazy world. I cannot believe how quickly the time passes...it seems like yesterday that we were in the hospital with him as a newborn. I am always appreciative that this little fire ball has come into our lives and has turned it upside down. 

But there are days that are more difficult than others. Yesterday was one of those days. As we were nearing the end of our day together, my little boy looked at me and said, "Mommy, I had lunch with Jesus today." "You did?" I asked. "Well where did you go?" "Chili's," he said with a big grin.

Totally made my day. I love him.

Tomorrow I bake again...

So I'll try to give some tips on how to make some awesome cupcakes!

I may not get a response to this because I haven't really been telling anyone about this blog, but I'll go ahead and ask some questions anyway...

Do you prefer baking over cooking, or cooking over baking?

And what is your favorite thing to cook/bake?

Seasons of Change & Loneliness

It's a lonely time in my life right now. If you have been in ministry for any length of time, you know this to be true. There are so many things I can't wrap my head around. I can't even pretend to understand. I just know that I am at a point in my life, in our ministry, where it is lonely. 

Over the past few weeks, I have felt...

• Abandoned

• Betrayed

• Lost

• Bewildered

• Confused

• Deep pain

• Loss

• Frustration

• Bitter

• Angry

• Alone

• Suffocated

• Back-stabbed

I could go on, but you get the idea. Being in ministry is hard. You can only understand this if you are in ministry yourself (or have been in it at some point in your life). I know there's a way out of the fog. I'm just immobilized by the sting of apathy and I can't get up. I hate that we're going through this...again...and at a place we really loved. 

Here are some questions I'm asking myself:

• Where will we go next that could possibly compare to where we were? It seems as though we went from the worst possible organization of a church to the best. So now what?

• Will this happen everywhere we go?

• Is there a leader out there--anywhere--who will "get" my husband's laid-back personality traits and view that as something valuable? 

• Will we have to endure the seemingly "normal" 6-month trend again of students not accepting the change in their leadership?

• Is ANYONE thinking of the students in all of this?

• Why is it so hard for me to accept that God is changing our course when I know that He has the best plan for us?

• Will I ever have stability in my life? I hate moving. I don't want to move...again.

• What's the point in pouring yourself into relationships with people if they're only going to get ripped apart by circumstances such as we have faced?

• Why won't the pain relent?

• Why are we having to go through this again so soon? It seemed as though we were just getting to a place of healing, and it happened again. 

• How do I answer people's questions? We did nothing wrong, yet the way our situation was handled it would seem otherwise?

Soon to come: Baking subjects--but for now, I have a lot of questions

Today was the first Sunday that my husband and I did not go to our (former) church. That sounds so weird to say...our "former" church. Out of all the churches we've ever been to in our lives, that one has felt the most like home. And yet, due to our unfortunate circumstances in ministry, we have been forced to go elsewhere. And so today, we did.

On the way to this new church we were to visit, we had to pass by our old church. Normally, my newly-turned 2-year-old would say, "We're at churchhhhh!!!" and he would proceed to say the name of our former church with excitement...he loved it there and he would talk about going all week long. Today as we passed, my husband tried to stay in the lane farthest from the church so his view would be blocked by other cars, and I said something to try to distract him. Heartbreaking, but it worked. I saw familiar faces in the parking lot...we drove on in silence.

We finally arrived at our destination. Walking into the building, I couldn't stop my brain from asking the questions that kept popping into my mind..."Why are we here?"  "Why can't we just be where we were?"  "What did my husband do to deserve to be forced out of his position where he was making a difference in so many students' lives?"  "Could we have done something different to have prevented this from happening?"  "Why did it have to end this way...again?" I almost burst into tears at different times during the service because I kept thinking of the unfair situations that led us to this point (seriously, you wouldn't believe the details if I told you--you would think I was making it up!). Sitting there with all of those questions floating around in my mind was making me madder and madder...I finally bit my lip to keep from sobbing. I saw my husband looking at me and later commented, "You need to watch your facial expressions...you looked like you had an attitude in there."  He didn't have a clue of what was going on inside.  

On the way home, he asked me the inevitable question:  "Well, what did you think?" What did I think? Did he really just ask me that?? Didn't he know what I thought?? I lost it...the tears that I had tried to suppress during the service came rolling down my cheeks in the car and I asked him to just stop. I didn't want to talk about it. I hated being there. 

I don't understand a lot of things. Like, for example, how an architectural structure gets put together from a lot of unrelated pieces. I don't understand how a deaf composer can put together some of the most beautiful pieces of music the world has ever heard. Or how musicians can play together in harmony to create an amazing song. I don't understand the intelligence of the people who create computer software programs and all things technical. 

And yet, even in my lack of understanding, I still enjoy all of those things as a result of other people's knowledge, talents, and hard work. I believe that God works the same way in our lives. Even though we may not understand how He works or why things happen the way that they do, I trust Him with my life to know that He has the knowledge, the talent, the glory, and the power to do "exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine." 

So even though I feel more like punching out some people rather than loving them, I know I will enjoy the end result of my refined faith. Without it, it is impossible to please Him, right? As I wait patiently for God to unfold the next chapter in our lives, I rest in knowing that the pieces of the puzzle will eventually come together. In the meantime, I'm still trying to hang up my boxing gloves...

Bad Leadership (Part 3)

I've had some good leaders in my life. I've had an even smaller amount of excellent leaders in my life. And I've also had more than my share of bad leaders ("No thanks, no more, I'm done thank you.").

There is one thing that I have noticed in them all:  You can sometimes see the reflection of someone's leadership more clearly by what they don't do or say rather than by what they DO do or say. For example, when faced with an uncomfortable situation, do they do the "avoidance dance?" You know what I mean...you go left, I go right type of thing, so as to "smooth over" an awkward situation by pretending it (or you) doesn't exist? Or how about this one...not following through on promises (as a rule, rather than an occasional exception). 

Just some thoughts...

Crazy Judge

"We have a crazy judge...no matter how innocent you are, you'll still be found guilty."

-Raising the Bar

Sometimes, in life, we get dealt with a crazy judge. You know...those hap-hazard people who are put in a position of authority in your life who have the power to literally change the whole course of your existence on nothing more than a whim. Now, I know the Bible speaks clearly about those in authority...God makes it clear that the authority was given by Him. So, for certain people to have so much power over the direction of your life, it can be frustrating. 

But because I know that God put those people in authority (whether it be the President of the United States, a teacher, a boss, etc.), I know that God will ultimately use whatever happens for my good and for His glory. I have to trust that He has a very good reason for allowing people like that into my life. 

In the Bible, Joseph finds himself the victim of his older jealous brothers...thrown in a pit, left for dead, sold into slavery, put into prison...and yet ultimately put in a position of great influence over Egypt (short version). Wow. Now all of that didn't happen overnight. Joseph was in a difficult place in his life for a long time. And he was a victim of horrible circumstances that his own family brought upon him! 

So, if you find yourself in a predicament of sorts with those who are put in authority over you, take heart. Seek God, use wisdom, and know that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Bad Leadership (Part 2)

The details of Part 1? Not so important. It's the result of the details that matter. I've seen it time and time again, played out in the lives of people I know, as well as those I don't. The tell-tale result of bad leadership is ALWAYS the same. Manhandled situations, loss of team morale, and lots of steam-rolled people left (flattened) in the wake of their rabid ideals.

The following is one of my all-time favorite excerpts from a book regarding leadership and team morale. To me, it's the determining factor of what sets a good leader apart from a bad leader...I've had both in my life, and I know the difference:

Leaders in some organizations don't recognize the importance of creating a climate conducive to building potential leaders. They don't understand how it works. Advertising executive William Bernbach, who understands the difference it makes, once stated, "I'm always amused when other agencies try to hire my people away. They'd have to 'hire' the whole environment. For a flower to blossom, you need the right soil as well as the right seed."  Until the leaders in an organization realize this, they will not succeed, regardless of the talented individuals they bring into the firm. The right atmosphere allows potential leaders to bloom and grow. That is why the atmosphere needs to be valued and developed first. Even when a leader from an organization with a poor climate steals away a potential leader who is beginning to bloom from the rich "greenhouse" environment of a healthy organization, the potential leader will not continue to grow and bloom. Unless, of course, the leader has already converted the environment of his or her own organization from "arctic" to "tropical."

To see the relationship between environment and growth, look at nature. An observation was made by a man who dives for exotic fish for aquariums. According to him, one of the most popular aquarium fish is the shark. The reason for this is that sharks adapt to their environment. If you catch a small shark and confine it, it will stay a size proportionate to the aquarium in which it lives. Sharks can be six inches long and fully mature. But turn them loose in the ocean and they grow to their normal size.

The same is true of potential leaders. Some are put into an organization when they are still small, and the confining [Nazi-like, with lack of respect & trust] environment ensures that they stay small and underdeveloped. Only leaders can control the environment of their organization. They can be the change agents who create a climate conducive to growth.

...Leaders set the tone...A leader cannot demand of others what he does not demand of himself.

+++++++++++++++

An excerpt from "Developing the Leaders Around You" by John Maxwell [pgs. 19-20]